Dear all, plz comment on both the ideas and language.
Your feedbacks are of great importance to me!

Topic: Because of the global economic meltdown, the economy of Hong Kong has suffered a hard blow. Many university graduates find it difficult to get a job after graduation. However, some still manage to get a satisfactory job that they desire. You work for a youth magazine. Write a feature article in the magazine to analyze why these university graduates stand out from the rest. You should substantiate your analysis by providing concrete examples of specific actions done by these graduates. End the article by giving suggestions to university graduates on what they can do to achieve their career targets. Give your article a title.

Tips for Catching a Job

Facing the devastating economic meltdown, many enterprises have been cutting down their expenses by laying off staff. This unemployment problem is sending shockwaves among university graduates, who are seeking jobs they desire.

On the other hand, despite the blow by global economic meltdown, it still leaves a few employment spaces in companies. Some outstanding university graduates can hence grasp the jobs from thousands of competitors. Yet, what is the recipe for their success?

First and foremost, it must be their positive attitude which pushes them up. In this day and age, in a society teeming with university graduates, being chosen by employers is not a piece of cake. Undoubtedly, employees hope to engage someone hardworking, together with independent thinking and ability into their companies. Attitude determines altitude. True, being proud is a deadly act to employers; however, this is the case of so many in Hong Kong. Therefore, whenever you are invited to an interview next time, try to show your enthusiasm, your career target, so do your expectations to the interviewers. To make them understand you do not only talk the talk, but also walk the walk.

Aside from the right attitude in interview and in the workplace, your outstanding performance is surely determining your fate. If you were a boss of a company, under the economic recession, would you enroll someone your have no confidence with, to rub salt into wound? I deem not. The hard-nosed are prone to hug the elites, and without questions, credential is the best pledge. Therefore, what you pay causes what you gain. That’s fair.

But, what graduates have done to snap at the jobs? Here are two examples. Globalization is an inevitable trend in Hong Kong. Many projects have already step out to South-East Asia and European countries. To fit themselves into the gloves, these successful graduates equip themselves with various languages, aiming to increase their competitiveness and catering the market demand. Language spurs communication where communication heads to succeed. With no doubts, they stand out at last.

In addition, to set the stage for their career, these candidates have drawn on their university life to absorb working experience. They entangle themselves with the related field they targeted. By this way, not only do they gain valuable experience, do they step front from dozens.

Dear all, are you still feeling the pinch, looking up a job? Please don’t be frustrated. Whether you can snatch victory from jaws of defeat depends on you. Be confident. Be front. Be diligent. We hope you to carve a better future.

THX YOU 逸客,
ahhh...so many question marks. Does this mean you don't understand the marked sentences? Plz tell me not.  I'm scared.
"True, being proud is a deadly (?) act to employers; however, this is the case of so many in Hong Kong (what are you trying to express?)."
Actually, I want to say that '對於僱主而言，應徵者表現驕傲是一大致命傷，但在香港，這情況實在常見。' How can i modify the sentence to express my view?